Independent Evangelist Independent Evangelist
Phil Conybear - Writer
May, 2009 - Devotional
Mary Conybear - Editor

"Since thy return, through days and weeks
Of hope that grew by stealth,
How many wan and faded cheeks
Have kindled into health!
The Old, by thee revived, have said,
'Another year is ours;'
And wayworn Wanderers, poorly fed,
Have smiled upon thy flowers."
William Wordsworth, To May, 1830

The older I get, the more I feel every word of that poem. Spring is God's way of saying, “One more time!” May gives us that crazy, Spring Fever; you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache

BLANK PAGES

Each month, I get this far and see ¾ of the page BLANK! At that moment my mind goes blank and the remaining part of this page may as well be volumes that need filling. I wonder out loud, “Why am I doing this?” There is no answer until I pray.

My mind goes so blank that I stumble through the words as I pray but I get through it. I know that an onlooker would laugh at the sight but the Lord understands me and graciously guides me through the process of putting a newsletter together each month. He may be laughing as well but He understands my dilemma and He knows I Am being honest when I tell Him my mind is as blank as this page and I need His help.

Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.
Proverbs 16:3

In a way, we are all blank pages waiting to be filled. The problem most people have is that they sincerely believe they are solely responsible for filling their personal life pages. They thump their chests at the end of the day and proudly proclaim, “Look at what I did today!” When things go bad, they blame others or worse, blame God. Pride claims the good and ego spreads the blame; how convenient.

When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly [is] wisdom.
Proverbs 11:2

My life has become so much better from the time I realized that each day is a blank page that can be filled any way I want. That realization could have been a curse if I stood proud before the Lord and said I am in charge of my life and don’t need you or anyone else for that matter. I came close to being that way and the possibilities scare me.

Some might say, “Yeah, but you’re crippled. Where’s your God now?” Yeah, I am crippled; from the effects of Agent Orange, a chemical “Man” put before me. However, He has blessed me with a wise and loving woman and filled my heart with joy. I wake up every day, and regardless of physical challenges, I praise Him for such a wonderful day to be alive.

Though the Lord [be] high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly: but the proud he knoweth afar off.
Psalms 138:6

By all rights, I should be living in a nursing home at a VA hospital or alcoholic frequenting homeless shelters. That is where my life was headed when I filled the blank pages by the ways of Man or by my own rules.

I have friends and acquaintances at both ends of the spectrum. Some have worldly wealth and see me as a loser because I don’t have the grandest house or the best toys. Some are struggling to get by and wonder how an old cripple can be so well off in these terrible times. I look in both directions and wish they could see the blank page in front of them, waiting to be filled with God’s love and blessings.

The blank pages are easy to fill when you give your life to the Lord. A humble prayer goes just as far as the most well written one when you are true to Him.

The Lord is near to all who call upon him, to all who call upon him in truth.
Psalm 145:18

Every day I wake up and my life is like this blank page. I can struggle on my own to fill in the blanks but I pray instead. Somehow, He provides and that blank page that is my life gets filled. Where others see a blank and often, dark page, I see blessings with each word and thought He provides. Bring on the blank pages!