Some actual laws in this state make me want to leave and retire to Arizona.

In Chicago:
Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck.
Kites may not be flown within the city limits.

In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

In Cicero:
Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.

In Des Plaines:
Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

In Evanston:
Bowling is forbidden.
It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.

However, Arizona is no better.

Hunting camels is prohibited.
Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

In Maricopa County:
No more than six girls may live in any house.

In Prescott:
No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.

In Tucson:
Women may not wear pants

Suddenly the Ten Commandments don’t seem so hard to follow.

The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion...."

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.